Reality's Kicking In.

So, seeing as my other post wasn't too too serious, wasn't too intelligible either. I'll add one serious one, for you to think about.

Through all the relationships that I've fucked up, that I gave up on, that I screwed with, I always think about you, or rather us. What use to be us. I'll be man enough to admit that I think about you here and there, like random flashbacks of the good times. And maybe because a certain date is coming up soon. Maybe because this is the month where it all started. I'm starting to forget my other relationships but why is the time spent with you still fresh? Like it happened less than half a year ago. I never thought I was capable of being committed, being held down for something that long. Especially since the ones before ours was one week to two months. I did break my record, I suppose. Again, like I've said many times before, I know we could've lasted at least a year. I never thought someone could stick it out with me for that long. I'll admit that it coming to an end was saddening, but I can see how much I've put you through, and at that point, I knew it was more hurt than help. Relationships too needs a balance. The drama you bring to the person has to be less than the happiness they feel when they're around you. And I guess that day just tipped the balance. I'm not even sure if we're friends anymore, but I do miss making fun of you and all that stuff. Though I am getting use to the thought of you not being here anymore, at the same time, I feel like I can't let it go. After all, you did put up with me for seven months, and vice versa. We stuck it out through the growing arguements and the other million stupid things. You said that there was nothing wrong with me and it's all you, but that line is always filled with lies. Because I, like any other man who does have a caring side, would've accepted any flaws that you have, and I did. If anything I was mad at the fact that you gave up on us. I was angry at the fact that you gave your ex, who fucked things up with you and your family, over a dozen chances and I don't even get a second one. But what happened, happened. You know, I never believe in talking to an ex after a break up. I always find it awkward. Yet right now, over the past few weeks, I've been missing your guidance more and more. The guidance that you gave me to get through life and to get me motivated. I am motivated now. More than ever, I'm actually looking forwad to my future. And I have you to thank for that. Thanks. I guess if we're meant to be, then it'll happen. If not, if not. But I'm not holding out on us getting together. Because I'm satisfied with being single. For once in my life, I couldn't care less if another girl ever said I love you to me. This is going to be cheesy, but I'm proud to know that you loved me once. Just because you're not the type of girl to say I love you when you don't mean it. I'm happy to know that you trust me enough to have been the only guy that you ever opened up with to that extent. I sometimes think that this was the best. Your family WAS the one saying that we're starting to look like we're married. Okay, I guess I'll end this now. One more thing though, I miss you but I don't want you back. It's just that simple, why? Because I thought that was the closest thing to love I'll ever feel. See you around.