One Last Thing...

Third post of the day, wow, a lot on my mind lately. I still have to prove to Marcus that girls do like the poetry/intelligent kind of guys. But i just wanted to rant. The day started off great. Waking up late, eating, zoot, then stc. Pretty dope. But the events at stc made me write this. Besides seeing an old friend, unquitting an old habit, patching things up with that friend, things were good.

Then I saw her. The person who pushed me to the edge of my beliefs and I was lead on by. I am sad to say that I was affected by her, someone younger than I. So i acted like how I always do to someone who puts me through unnecessary things. Cold and heartless. Maybe some of you might be saying, "Angelo? Cold? Heartless? Ducktales!" Let me explain in the words of John. "Dawg, why you ignoring her? She's been staring at you. Seemed like she wanted to say hi or something. And you only said bye to estoesta, SHE said ouch." Did I do it purposely? No, I was aware, but it's more subconsciously. Will she bitch at people about it? Maybe, or maybe she won't and she'll just not care. A part of me will be happy if she still likes me but a big part of me knows that assuming things will make me overthink and that's what I'm preventing by ignoring your signals or whatever cotdamn thing it is you're thinking. But my action is what I do automatically to girls who lead me on and placed me through unnecessary shit. I am different and I'll be man enough to say that you telling me we never had anything, your dating some next man, did hurt me and obviously, my nonexistant ego. What do you want me to do? Fight for you? Convince you? Persuade you? No, you know me already, you know how I am. If you fail to see how much better I could be for you, then suit yourself. It's your loss. It's possible that I'm not one hundred percent over you, but what can I do? Win you over? No, I'm not going to use my time trying to prove a point that everyone can clearly see. But like you said, I don't make you happy, but I did and I still could. I'm not even one hundred percent sure that you miss me, if I come across your mind. Maybe you do, maybe you don't. I'm not going to assume shit. Whatever your reason to stare at me and talk about how sexy some next man at the mall is, you're not going to get a reaction from me, if that is your intention. I don't get jealous over stupid things. I don't want to ignore you, but I can't help it. How can I talk to someone that made me belief in relationships again only to prove that my previous notions about them were correct. Maybe it's after effects of the zoot but I'll admit one more thing to you. I do want you, as much as John wants... But I'm not going to try to speed up the process. If it happens, it'll happen. I have faith in the universe more than I do in myself. I hate thinking about this, I hate wanting you, I hate that I think of you now and again because I'm hoping for somethign that may never be. I'm foolishly not trying to get over you, hoping that some random act will happen. I'm stupid to even hope that we could be together. So there, that's everything that I was thinking of when you were staring at me. That's why I was so cotdamn quiet when you came. That's why I didn't talk to you, that's why I didn't say bye, and that's why I'm still hoping that we're going to end up together in the future. So what now? I don't know but I do know something. I do miss what we never had.