Oh.

Toothless

To dream that you are toothless, signifies your inability to reach your goals and advance toward your interests. Gloom and ill health will be part of your setbacks.


I dreamt that I was the one pulling my own teeth.

What's wrong with me.

Writing Angrily.

I don't like you.
That's just stating it lightly.
You piss me off.
And if you're wondering why that might be.
Why don't you take a fucking minute.
Evaluate yourself before you reply.
Thinking you're so slick with your shit talk.
Please.
Keep your childish nonsense to your self.
I couldn't care less about what the fuck happened at some gay ass party you happened to creep into.
And I wasn't eavesdropping.
You're talking so fucking loud, it's hard to not hear you !
You're such a fucking drama queen.
And yes, I know you're a guy.
But you know, I hear shit too.
And from what I hear, you're a fucking queer.
Thinking you're the fucking best out of everyone out there.
Acting like you own the motherfucking place.
Criticizing everyone like you know how everything's suppose to be done.
I'm sick of you looking down on everyone.
Frankly, I'm pissed off about everything you are.
And at least, I won't go talking shit and saying your name out loud, making it everyone else's business.
You're nothing.
You're nothing but a gossiping, cocky son of a bitch who doesn't know when he's crossed the line.
If I had a temper, I would've punched the shit out of you by now.
But quite frankly, I don't give a shit about you.
And sure, go ahead, say that I do give a shit because I posted this post about you.
Well, I just want to straighten every fucking body.
Who thinks I give a shit about what you think about me.
I don't.
Go die.

[note; I was trying to write in another theme, instead of the morbid work of poetry that I am apparently known for. I must admit that I had a few people in mind when I started writing this, but I don't let others bother me, because they're not part of my life to begin wtih, so why care? Anyways, just trying something new for me.]

Breaktime.

So, I have little faith in myself. I have twelve questions left about the rest of the 1984 novel where I'm only half way through Part One. Due in a matter of hours. Followed by a two short 250 word essays on feeling helpless, and the concept of memory and existence. Along with a poem with the same theme as 1984. These reflection papers are due this friday. Oh joy. Plus, I feel like my teacher's going to kill me tomorrow. Good thing I'm continuing my math where I left off and not from scratch. At least I'm okay with that. I think. NTS: Attend school more frequently. Four times a week, if not five. Fuck me and my school habits. Honestly.

All I Got

Is myself.

Finish Line.

Slowly but surely, I'll reach the end.
And when it all comes to an end, I'll be wondering how did time slip by me.
What I go through, you may not see it my way, you definitely don't know how I feel.
Put yourself in my shoes? You can't, you'll never see how I think, you'll never feel what I go through. Because I'm not you, I'm different.
So don't belittle my thoughts, I don't need your opinion.
I'm getting tired of you looking down on how I do things.
Just keep your thoughts to yourself, I didn't ask for your opinion.
Certainly not about MY life.

Sigh.

I can't help but hate myself for my horrible, horrible habits when it comes to school.

I Give Up.

Not even going to explain.
Cuz you won't understand.
You'll tell me shit that I already know.
You're gonna make me feel worse.
You're not helping.
So fuck off.
Fuck it.
I give up.



See you never.

Time's Ticking.

I'm affectionate, but you're starting to get on my nerves.
Seriosuly, I'm getting sick of putting more effort than you.
Real talks, you're time's ticking.

Speechless.

why did it hurt more than it really should've?

My Way.

she makes me happy
but i hate that
because when she's not around
i'm not happy
i'm only content
i want to stay happy, forever.
Ugh, this is despicable.
It's not me.
Yet, I want to stick with it.
I want her,
I... wanna be with her.
=\
I've never felt so strong before.
Not for them other chicks
Not for my ex's...
Except her.
Maybe that's why I want her so much
Because she reminds me so much of what I lost.
And I don't want to lose her.
I've never missed anyone this much.
It's sickening.
Yet she says it's cute.
It's not me.
Missing a chick isn't me.
Wanting a chick so bad isn't me.
Craving to hear her voice isn't me...

But I want to stay like this forever.

Because I know she's down for me, the way I'm down for her.

630.

4AM.

Got me addicted like I have methamphetamine in my bloodline.

And I'm going through withdrawal, and there's only two ways this can go.

I stay addicted to you if you show up again anytime soon.

Or I become unaddicted.

Either way, I'm not gonna care anymore.
Because I hate feeling like that.
Feeling... whipped.
So I slept over it.
And it's amazing how much can happen when you time travel.
Eight hours later, and I realized... I shouldn't give a fuck.
It's not me.
I'm too chill to worry.
So, here's a shot.
Let's take a risk.
Waiting on you.
One last time.
Cuz I'm here.
For you.
But I'm not going to make a fool out of myself.
You got forty eight hours.

Haters.

He's got bare chicks? Where do you hear this shit?

It's hella hilarious.

Haters get flamed.

Watch out, trust is limited. Don't take my friendship for granted.

Be cautious. Word spreads faster than wild fire.

And haters get thrown in that wild fire.

Worst Day.

Serious Weather.

Weather's fucked up nowadays. WTF.

Four.

Karma's already after me, why not give myself a bigger bounty. LOL

Ugh.

Wishes are for bitches who gave up before trying.

Smile.

I honestly just want to smile again. I never knew feeling human was so cotdamn hard.

--------------

.lєzαdα,αngelo; says (1:10 AM):
trying to.
but shit b,
i hate bitches
LOL
rae says (1:10 AM):
LOL
what u mean
LOL
.lєzαdα,αngelo; says (1:11 AM):
okay lemme rephrase
i'm never going to believe anything a drunk tells me
rae says (1:11 AM):
LMFAO
LMFAO
LMFAO
what did she tell u
hahaha
.lєzαdα,αngelo; says (1:13 AM):
things that i feel stupid for believing
http://illicitdesire.blogspot.com/2009/06/blank.html
rae says (1:15 AM):
...
.lєzαdα,αngelo; says (1:18 AM):
highlight the whole thing b.
rae says (1:18 AM):
ohhhhh
.lєzαdα,αngelo; says (1:18 AM):
press CTRL A
rae says (1:18 AM):
...
and who is that chick?
.lєzαdα,αngelo; says (1:20 AM):
the drunk that told me things
rae says (1:20 AM):
awwww
rae says (1:21 AM):
thats bad yo
.lєzαdα,αngelo; says (1:21 AM):
i'm pissed at myself about it
rae says (1:21 AM):
yea u should me
be *
rae says (1:22 AM):
damnn
.lєzαdα,αngelo; says (1:23 AM):
^ tahnks for making me feel better
rae says (1:23 AM):
LOL
naw it was a reality check
.lєzαdα,αngelo; says (1:23 AM):
i know
but it's not doing anything
rae says (1:24 AM):
aw
are u friends with her ?
I need someone who can keep up with me. I want someone agressive, who pushes me to my breaking point where I just want to scream. Someone who will tell me that I'm not always right and I should apologize for the things I do wrong. I need someone who's going to set me straight because no one has ever cared enough about me to try. <#33
.lєzαdα,αngelo; stfu. says (1:25 AM):
that's deep.
and true
rae says (1:26 AM):
i know
.lєzαdα,αngelo; stfu. says (1:27 AM):
you nkow what i hate?
rae says (1:27 AM):
?
.lєzαdα,αngelo; stfu. says (1:27 AM):
i dont' mean to sound hella concieted
rae says (1:27 AM):
..
.lєzαdα,αngelo; stfu. says (1:27 AM):
but the fact that i know i'm a good guy, and i can't freakin find a girl out there wroth my time.
.lєzαdα,αngelo; stfu. says (1:28 AM):
people always tell me
rae says (1:28 AM):
aw
.lєzαdα,αngelo; stfu. says (1:28 AM):
you're a nice guy
you're a good person.
where does that get me
falling for the wrong chicks, getting involve with chicks that someone like me don't belong with.
and why?
cuz i love to flirt.
cuz i love being needed
because i feel purposeless if i can't make SOMEONE smile.
rae says (1:29 AM):
well
nothing's wrong with that.
i mean
i dont know what to say. but what i think is that, u shouldn't worry that u cant find the right girl thats worth ur time and stuff.
rae says (1:30 AM):
i know u pretty well. you ARE a good guy. and i know ur alwasy down for whatever
and yeah, you always make people smile even though u cant make urself happy
you see. there are always going to be those people who wont give two fucks about you and just tease you and play along because theyre bored and "love to flirt" as much as u do.
rae says (1:31 AM):
but there's nothing u can do about it. i mean, i dont wanna brag. but just wait.
i mean, i know it gets lonely at times
at times u need the love, i know
but dont u find it better to stay and wait instead of dating some chick that doesnt really care? or falling for a girl, she says shes into you ,but really she isn't. so ur on that "one way love thing"
rae says (1:32 AM):
you're an awesome guy. honestly, i would totally date you and be down for you.
i would love to be your girlfriend, honestly. but its kind of hard doing that whole long distance relationship thing especially if i havent met u face to face yet.
rae says (1:33 AM):
i can probably consider you as one of my bestfriends, but there's always going to be that" its only internet" but its amazing how you've proved yourself more than how people in cgy are to me
we're probably not bf and gfs
and i dont think u need one now.
you just want love
everyone wants love, i want love
but its hard to actually find it
when ur eally want it
rae says (1:34 AM):
so just take ur time. it gets lonely at times, but just let it go. it'll come to you by surprise. and i know uve heard that 684896204 times already and u probably dont wanna hear it
but its the truth. there's nthing u can do if u havent "found the right" girl. you will ,and i know you will. im SURE you will.
rae says (1:35 AM):
so dont be so bumbed that u fell for what that chick said
im like that too
when u flirt with me, i miss being taken
i miss having someone call me during the day to ask me what im doing
or holding m
or even talking to me 24/7
i miss having someone who makes me smile
and treats me out
rae says (1:36 AM):
dont worry. you'll be fine. its not only you feeling like this,
there are 8925029 people too. so dont worry
you'll be fine.

Blank.

I'm trying to do something productive. But I keep drawing a blank.
Sadly, all I want right now is you.
I guess I'm sprung.

It ain't real.

Let's assume that so that at least it'll be off your mind.

Regret?

I have none.

Or so I tell myself.

But she made me realize,

Last night I admitted,

I have one.

You.

Letting you go was the worst thing I could've done. And maybe that's why I've been feeling like this lately. I can only say sorry so many times. I think last night, my talk with Alyssa has made me realize a lot of things. That the way I treat women is a contradiction to how many I've had. That, maybe I am being taken advantage of. That I deserve something better. And that you we're one of the few that stuck by me when I was falling apart. I'm sorry I took you for granted. I can only hope that you're true to your words and we'll always be friends. Because I do miss you, more than I'd like to admit. And I did love you, can't you just reply once?