On Hold.

I'm so confused. I'm trying to make a tumblr but I suppose it'll take a few days for me to get use to it. But it's not like I'm abandoning my blogspot. Nope, this blogspot has helped me express what I'm thinking. Leaving it would be the inhumane thing to do, as ridiculous as that sounds. Feels like a new adventure. I suppose I should open a tumblr, not like I'm doing anything productive.

But I'll be working dilligently (I hope) on my stories. I'd like to finish them before the new year.

lateryears.tumblr.com

Sneak Preview/Reminder

Just a sneak peek for what's coming up with my writing.
I'm working on a written project, for myself of course.
And for those who care to read it.
I'm almost through.
I'll give you the titles of the stories that I'm working on at the moment.
And you may ask yourself, why so many.
A tribute to how much I love writing.
Plus a chance to try different things with each story.
And they are titled...

One Night

Waking Up (This one is already up on my blog, under Midnight Stories.)

Aaron's Story

Sleepless Nights

Seven Day Cruise

From The Start

And as a bonus, here's a little excerpt from "From The Start,"

Thirteen looked at her children's innocent eyes. Tears began rolling down, for she did not know how to explain the situation to her twin children. The shock of what she had just lost is still too fresh in her mind. She embraced the children, and the children hugged her in return. Although, she knew that her children questioned why she was eminating such sorrow and despair. The twins took a step back and her daughter wiped her tear away. Her son grabbed his sisters hand and Thirteen smiled.

"Don't cry," her daughter spoke so innocently, "everything will be okay." As if she really knew what her fragile mother recently witnessed.

"Always take care of your sister," she knew that her time wasn't up just yet, but she spoke as if her impending doom was nearing her heart. The young boy nodded his head. "No matter what, always look out for your twin sister, Aaron."

Holidays.

Merry Christmas & Boxing Day.

Happy Holidays.

Double Poems :)

Seeing as I haven't updated in a while, I present you with TWO poems :)
Enjoy !

To Be Human.

To be human is to be imperfect, little quirks and flaws.
To look past the imperfection, and portray patience.
To be human is to error, make mistakes, and take the fall.
Or place blame on someone else, and sneak around the truth.
To be human is to lie, exagerate the truth, alter what it really is.
Adjust it, tamper it, adapt it, turn ignorance into bliss.
To be human is to understand, see past the walls insecurity put together.
Because judging one's insecurities is like disregarding a well thought out letter.
To be human is to feel the emotions set free regardless if it's sincere.
Regardless if it was faked, isolation is what humans really fear.
To be human is to protect what one holds dear.
To throw their life away to keep their loved ones away from fear.
To be human is to love, and feel that love given back.
To know guilt, regret, pride, lust and whatever you lack.
To be human is to smile, ear to ear, regardless of the pain.
To be human is to smile, ear to ear, to hide away the pain.
To be human is to feel guilt, and repentance when you've done wrong.
To be human is to break apart, lose pieces, only to come back up, strong.
To be human is to give away your heart, regardless of the future up ahead.
To be human is to take risks, regardless of the future bleeding out red.
To be human is to grow up, living the adventure of the real world.
Fill out dreams and goals, and find that perfect girl.
Raise a family, grow old and pass away.
Live life to the fullest and still live with regrets of that one day.
To be human is complicated, and simple at the same time.
But I don't want to be human, because they never have enough time.

The Monster Inside Me.

I was walking in the depths of my mind.
I came across this room with a cage inside.
I saw a figure in the cage before me.
He was bound by weights on his shoulder.
He turned his head and his eyes shined red.
He growled at me and muttered a few words.
I must've misheard and he walked towards me.
Stood right in front of me.
He smiled at me and my body shuddered at the glance of his crooked grin.
As I stared into his dark, shallow eyes, I could feel my body trembling at the thought that this monster is inside of me.
You could feel the evil seep through.
I wondered what created it and how could I undo this monster from being born.
But its like I was staring into a mirror.
Except every scar, bruise, pain and thorn was visibly present.
And in the abscenece of acceptance, this evil in front of me was born.
I could see the events that made him stronger flash before me.
Every time I felt alone.
Every moment I faced depression.
Every night where I am left alone wtih thoughts.
Every opportunity my heart was crushed before my very eyes.
Every brick that I covered myself with.
Every soul that abandoned me.
Every smile that was faked.
Every word that inspired deciet.
Every tear that drops
Every line I write.
Every poem I compose.
Every picture I capture.
Every breath I take.
I gave life to this monster.
I shuddered once again at the thought that this monster is inside me.
No, this monster is me.

Oh.

Toothless

To dream that you are toothless, signifies your inability to reach your goals and advance toward your interests. Gloom and ill health will be part of your setbacks.


I dreamt that I was the one pulling my own teeth.

What's wrong with me.

The Axiom.

You're special.
And that's only scratching the surface of what I think about you.
There are millions of words in the English dictionary.
And I still can't find the right set of words to explain what goes through my mind when my smile reflects yours.
A million synonyms and antonyms.
And I still can't find the ideal word to describe how beautiful your eyes are, when I find myself lost in them.
A million different combinations of sentences can be formed.
And yet, I still can't find that sentence that would plunge despair, doubt, cynicism, hate and envy out of your vocabulary.
A million thoughts formed in a single second.
But the one thought that I need to perfectly portray the loveliness that I see in you, always alludes me.
It escapes me.
Like the millions of phrases that I wish I could come up with to properly display the attraction that your mind has captured me with.
Billions and millions and thousands of expressions are out there,
Not one of them can depict, in HD quality imagery, the way my heart beats faster when it hears the beat of your heart.
I can't come across a single axiom, or the truth when I try to explain the effects inflicted towards me when I hear the sound your soothing, calming, gentle voice.
It's impossible to explain how my soul smiles when it senses that you are near by.
You're special, and it's difficult to explain what you mean to me.
But some things are better left unexplained.

Breaktime.

So, I have little faith in myself. I have twelve questions left about the rest of the 1984 novel where I'm only half way through Part One. Due in a matter of hours. Followed by a two short 250 word essays on feeling helpless, and the concept of memory and existence. Along with a poem with the same theme as 1984. These reflection papers are due this friday. Oh joy. Plus, I feel like my teacher's going to kill me tomorrow. Good thing I'm continuing my math where I left off and not from scratch. At least I'm okay with that. I think. NTS: Attend school more frequently. Four times a week, if not five. Fuck me and my school habits. Honestly.

Daydreamin'

I was up, at three in the morning.
Just sitting on my bed.
With George Orwell's 1984 novel sitting on my lap.
But my eyes weren't anywhere near the font of the book.
Instead, they were staring straight at my beige wall.
My attention focused on a night light shooting star sticker the previous owners had left.
I was up, at three in the morning.
Daydreaming.
Running away from the novel that was assigned to me.
Instead of imagery of Winston Smith, the world he struggles with, and the always watching Big Brother,
My attention focused on a world where there is here and here is there.
I was up, daydreaming.
Inside my own world that I drew and painted.
Where characters from my own ideas evovle into real people that interact with me.
And struggle with me.
Even in my own world, I have problems.
For if it was not for conflicts, our lives would be too quick.
The beige wall helped paint the scene where my mind has taken me.
Clouds colour the sky grey as the sun seeks refuge behind them.
An urban city road filled with busy, shady people.
All keeping to themselves, I sit and observe from a distance.
Some interact with who I presume are their friends and I observe from a distance.
I wish to reach out and interact with the blank faces of those walking by me
But instead, I keep my hands to myself and observe... from a distance.
This distance is killing me, I thought, as I too, yearned for social interaction.
But the distance I've lived with has kept me distant from people.
Unable to connect, to feel, to love, to interact, I keep to myself... and observe... from a distance.
Until this female character sits besides me, and observes the world... with me.
At first, I was confused by this notion as she sat a little too close to me.
She sat down and mimicked my posture as she too hugged her knees.
When she had completely copied how I was sitting, she turned to me, and smiled.
I stared at her, in confusion and curiousity.
She turned back to the crowd and observed.
Even though she was watching from a distance, she didn't have the same cold feeling resonating from her.
I turned back to the crowds, debating why she pulsed a different aura even though we are in a similar situation.
And we watched, from a distance... in silence.
But I wasn't paying attention to the people that interacted with one another.
They became uninteresting once she sat beside me.
I looked into the crowd, but she was the focus of my attention, through the corner of my eye.
She turned her head, back at me, and smiled once again.
We talked, as the people went on about thier day.
I started to feel something strange, in my heart, but I could not describe it.
"It's called love," she said, and described the conditions of this new disease.
She laughed at my reaction, and I blankly stared at her.
Love, I thought to myself.
I turned to the crowd and the blank faces turned to smiles and upside down smiles.
I began to feel what these people are feeling.
And I understood why she didn't have the cold aura resonating from her.
It's because she loves.
And she brought love to my life.
I told her I wished to stay in her presence.
Because I was able to connect, to feel, to love, to interact.
And it was with her help that I was able to do such things.
She smiled, and I realized the stupidity of my request.
It's just a daydream.
I was up, at three in the morning.
Just emerging from the story my mind has brought to life.
With a fresh smile from the feeling that person had given me.
It may have been just a daydream.
But the aura that resonated from her is still with me.
It may have been just a daydream, but that encounter with her, meant the world to me.

Vulnerable.

What makes you so different?
Cuz you see, I've placed walls that are stacked so high, no one was suppose to see the very top of it.
Not even if you stand right under it and not even if you stood three hundred kilometers away from it.
It's stacked so high that if I made these imaginary walls into something that reality can see...
It would climb higher than the skies could reach, higher than any satellite orbiting the sky, higher than logically possible.
That it would not only disrupt the orbit of Mars, but get past the asteroid belt, hit Jupiter, break off Saturn's rings, fix the spin of Uranus, and hit the blue mass that we call Neptune.
And it wouldn't stop there.
It'd leave our solar system and fuck up the near by system's rotating orbit.
It's built so high that it would reach the end of the universe.
And that's said with the theory that the universe has no end.
But not only did it hit the wall of the universe, but it broke through and who knows what the fuck is outside the universe.
And if it found itself an entrance to a black hole... it would've found the exit.
I know it's not logical, fuck you science. It's called a metaphor.
You could try and dig under, but these walls are dug in deep.
Dug in so deep that I don't even recall when they were being constructed.
Or how deep the hole was when construction was happening.
These walls are so thick that no atomic bomb could be strong enough to decimate it.
So thick that if you used a drill to try and get through to me, you'd have better luck trying to break out from Alcatraz by digging your way out...with a toothpick.
The distance between the outside wall and where I am is so wide that it would be faster if you circled the earth...as a paraplegic... without your wheelchair... terminally ill with lung cancer.
It's the ultimate defense.
So what makes you so different?
You're different because... in my mind, where these walls exist, where I'm in a room where no one has ever stepped foot before... not my family, not my exes, not any of my friends have seen the inside of this room...
But in my mind... you're there... with me.
Telling me that I'm okay, pulling me away from these shackles that we call insecurity.
And I'm amazed that she did not find a monster inside the room, but a friend.
A friend who has been inside that isolation unit for so long, with his insecurity his only company... He's clung onto her, he's become attached.
But that doesn't erase what his past has put him through.
He's scared, he's... anxious. He's unsure.
Making another mistake is something that will definitely close that gap that she managed to find. Because my walls are unbreachable.
Somehow, you've given me the atmosphere that I use to be all too familiar with.
I let my guard down.
You slipped right past that wall.
And if my past came back to haunt me with this new and yet too familiar situation...
I'd blame myself.
For letting my guard down.
I hope you understand the risk I'm taking here...for you.
So what makes you different?
What makes you so different from the others that I've let my guard down in front of?
What differentiates you from the ones that slipped past my defence and stabbed the monster inside?
What makes it different is that I wanted to let my guard down.
Because I'm sick of putting up these walls, just to avoid the hurt, the pain, the emotional tail that follows friendships.
Because, to be honest, I thought you were cute but I didn't let my walls see through just because of that.
Nor does it revolve around that reason.
Because something inside me told me to let you into who I really am.
Because something about you has brought back who I use to be, with a hint of how I am now.
Because for the first time in years, I've let someone know who I am, on the inside.
Something about you made me feel...safe.
I let my guard down, and I'm slowly coming out of my shell.
I feel vulnerable around you.
I feel attached.
I hate it.
But my hate for feeling vulnerable is nothing compared to the smile that I hide from you when I'm around you.
And I hope that feeling never becomes different.

What Motivates You?

Is it family? Friends? Proving someone wrong?

Whatever motivates you, doesn't motivate me. Because we're different people. So stop trying to use "prove me wrong," as a way to motivate me. I will not go out of my way to change how you think about me, in fact, I don't give a fuck what you think about me.

But I got my motivation, and sometimes, I just forget about them. So FUCK OFF, and give me time to remember.

With that said, I've got an essay to finish, Macbeth to finish reading and an ISU to continue.

Just leave me the fuck alone.

Plans.

So, I went to the weathernetwork and this was the first thing I saw on their homepage.
Weather Warning
Frost warning for City of Toronto
And it's only October! Can you see the oddness in that weather warning? We've experienced the worst of weathers we can possibly imagine. Not as worse as my fellow Filipinos back home, please pray for them, but it's insane! We've had thunderstorms, tornados, hail, crazy wind, lightning, thunder, and now a frost warning?! All before November?!

Wow, total loaft on this blogpost. Draft autosaved at 1:45 AM, it's currently 2:48AM. Good job youtube. LOL

Okay, so aside from my weather rant, I think this year, what's left of `09, and `10 will be the year when I'll be pushing towards producing what I've wanted. `09 was sort of the thinking process, confirming this is what I really want, and setting up some connections for certain things, don't worry, none of them are illegal. As you know, photography is my passion and my fam from egotistic productions have helped me fuel that for the past year. Ever since Feb 01, I've been learning and hopefully improving in becoming one of the upcoming local photographers. I'm trying to make it big you guys. Become a famous photographer, a photographer at some of the high end fashion scenes, become an overseas journalist or one of my biggest hope is that I'll be taking pictures for National Geographic and things like that. With that said, I'm going to make `10 (it sounds so weird when you read ten, rather than oh nine) the biggest move from local photographer to a region photographer. Work my way out of high school, as I hope that this is going to be my last year in high school, and get into an art school for applied photography so I can work towards getting my bachelors/masters in art & photography. Even if I don't get accepted towards the program I wish to get into, I will not give up photography. It's my passion, I can't let what I love to do go. Even writing's still a part of my life, though not so much creative writing. But blogging still counts as a way to show my love for english. Excuse my spelling and bad grammar. I do have backup choices if fate doesn't hand over photography as soon as I wish it to. Sociology, Psychology, Anthropology, Philosophy are also areas that I'm looking into.

Again, total blankness on this post, five minutes only this time haha.

With all that said, I think I'm going to post on the Egotistic Productions site. Okay, continue the read at
http://egotisticproductions.blogspot.com/
Hope to see you there!

Insight.

So Aaron Cruz is like my fictional character in my story. When I write, I feel like the stories I weave are real. Therefore, in my mind, Aaron Cruz exists. Am I crazy? Partially. I prefer to be categorized as different, unique, a new breed of writing. Anyways.

The more we go into this, the less we talk. I'm starting to feel like you were right all along and trying to prove you wrong would just end up in me falling flat on my face. So, I'll let the world decide our fate.

Hm, what else.

Go to sleep Kim Liban!

I'm awkward around girls!
LOL hella random.

I'm in need of some sociological insight into certain kinds of people, psychological and anthropological wise too.

Oh, btw, Waking Up is under construction in a sense of it WILL BECOME A SHORT FILM :)
Iris needs to be let out real soon.
and I'm hoping to get some of my creativity let out soon
And last but not least. Aaron Cruz, you're a slick character. Stop hiding from me, I must tell your story.
As an author, my characters come to life. But does that make me crazy, to refer to them as real people?
Okay, it's decided. If I don't get into photography, I'm getting into either Social Worker, Anthropologist, Psycologist, or Sociologist. Done deal !
The mind is the greatest work of art in the history of the universe.

Kay, goodnight.
Sweet dreams,
Kim Liban
Cuz I know you're reading this. LOL

You.

You're concieted as fuck, but you've got self-esteem issues.
You know you're not the best person, yet you act like you are.
You know she deserves better, so you act like there is no one better.

Tim Gunn!

He's officially in the list of people I HAVE TO MEET. :)
And someone I idolize, not because he's a well reknowned fashionista, but also because he's so upfront and blunt and the way he is.
Tim Gunn, I wish I could photograph your work :(

Uhm..

Happy Birthday to me :)
Thanks for the greets you guys ! : D

Story Starter

He wished the phone would stop ringing. It’s been a week since he broke up with Ally. It’s as if she refused to believe that he actually broke up with her. They’ve been together for almost two years, but Aaron felt like he was missing a lot in life. Whenever he’d go to parties, he would have a conscience that would prevent him from making out with a girl he had just met. Over the last seven months, he had found out things about Ally that would make any self respecting boyfriend to break up with his girlfriend. Many people often wondered why Aaron would give Ally so many undeserving chances.
“You have three unheard messages, check unheard messages; press one.” Only three? She’s called over fifteen times and she only left three? Hesitant, he pressed one. “First message, ‘Aaron, I know you didn’t mean those things you said. I know I’ve said some things and I’m not the best girlfriend, but I love you, I care for you. Please, call me back so we can talk about this. We can make this work,’” Aaron pressed the number seven key, “Message deleted. Second message, ‘Aaron, I’m really sorry for everything, I know now how much—‘message deleted.”
Aaron was about to hang up, she’s been calling nonstop for the past two days but he figured he might as well delete the last message. “Third message, ‘Is this Aaron?’” It was a different voice; he was startled because he was expecting his ex-girlfriends. “’This is Elsa, from Chemistry third period? Our professor gave me your phone number. I was wondering if you still needed a partner...” Aaron’s mind stopped paying attention to the recorded message. He was trying to figure out who she was. Her name sounded familiar, but he had never looked at anyone when he was with Ally, not that he needed to. Ally was every guy’s dream girl, physically of course. But that’s not why he started dating her. He went out with her because she was interesting, different, independent and unique. But ever since summer, she became clingy, paranoid and dependant. She would be mad at him for talking to other girls, make a scene when a girl would attract his attention at the mall, and would ignore him for weeks when he forgot to call. She had him on a strict leash, but he endured it, until, of course, the day of their breakup, “...so call me back when you can. Thanks.” Aaron called her back without giving it a second thought.
Time flew by and it’s been over a year since Aaron broke up with Ally. He hasn’t had a missed call from Ally in a while and he was getting closer to Elsa. He even suspected that Elsa might have been attracted to him, but he placed that silly notion behind him. You’re just being too confident now, he would remind himself.
“What’s wrong Aaron?” Elsa and Aaron would spend most of their time together, studying or just hanging out. Today, they’re just sitting at a park bench, enjoying the view. Aaron enjoyed his time with Elsa but there was something about Elsa that reminded him of Ally, the way she talked, the way she thinks about things, the way she reacts to certain conversations. Elsa seemed to be too similar to Ally. He would’ve asked Elsa out if it wasn’t for that.
“Oh nothing, did I tell you how you remind me of my ex-girlfriend?” He found himself shocked that those words came out of his mouth.
“Really? So that means I’m your type?” She was trying to hide her cheeks turning rosy red.
“Why are you blushing for?” Aaron took that blush to confirm she was attracted to him.
“I think it’s quite obvious, don’t you?” Now he knew he wasn’t just being confident. But how was he supposed to let her know that he’s still not ready? After what Ally placed him through, he didn’t think he can ever trust someone at that intimate level.
“I don’t want a relationship...with you.” Again, Aaron found himself bewildered at what he just said. It’s as if his mind didn’t even want to sugar coat what he’s about to say.
“What?” She moved away from him. She didn’t know how to react. No one’s ever said that to her. “Do you not find me attractive?”
“You’re beautiful, but I just don’t think we should be in a relationship together.”
“Why not!” She was starting to cause a scene, and even though it was at the park, there were a lot of people walking by.
“Because, I told you, you remind me of my ex-girlfriend!”
“What’s wrong with Ally? She may have cheated on you, but she’s miserable when you’re not around! She loves you...”
“Elsa... how did you know Ally cheated on me? I never told you how we broke up. In fact, I’ve never mentioned her name to you.” Elsa looked like she was searching her brain for an answer, but Aaron was freaked out. He has never talked about Ally to Elsa, let alone why they broke up. “Elsa, answer me! How do you know that?”
“You... you told me.” She was stuttering, her eyes were desperate to find a more solid answer. Aaron’s eyes widened like he just solved a cold case with finding the final clue right in front of him. He fell quiet and stared at the horizon. “Aaron?” He flashed a smile and chuckled.
“I never did get over you, Ally.”

*wrote this for my english homework. I had to start the story with the first sentence that the story started with.*

Schoool!

So I've been busy with school lately.
I actually didn't do much homework today.
I wasn't in the writing mood.
On the bright side, I have english this semester.
And most of the work involves creativity and imagination.
My forte, I suppose.
Anyways, for now, I'll post up my work that I've submitted (not homework, but poetry and whatnots when my class gets to that chapter)

BUT I did hand in Waking Up for my first short story. I got a 20/20 from it and my teacher thought it was a well written story. But I got deducted two marks for not following rules. So I ended up with an 18/20. I forgot to double space and my work was over the 2-4 pages limit. But I'll pay that two point deduction for a chance for people to read my work.

Anyways, Goodnight world.

Time's Ticking.

I'm affectionate, but you're starting to get on my nerves.
Seriosuly, I'm getting sick of putting more effort than you.
Real talks, you're time's ticking.

Muskoka

Just got back from there, I gotta admit, it's pretty chill there. Might wanna go cottage-ing there with friends next year.

I just wanted to tell you guys, whoever still reads this, that yes, I'm still alive. I'm working (kinda) on three albums of photos, so look forward to that. But on a random note.

"It's hard dating a slut, just ask my girlfriend."

Kaythxbai.

Two Years.

Two years of my life went by
And this right here, is a testimony that time does fly by.
Looking back through pictures, reminding myself
Those who were there and who stayed around to help
From my days at ward, to libermann, to fraiser and now
Wondering how did 730 days fly by without me hearing a sound
From the ground's perspective, nothing's changed.
If it wasn't for pictures, I wouldn't have noticed my physical features been rearranged.
From my hairstyle to my clothing wear, to the glasses I need
To the way I speak, the people I meet and what I believe.
To my hopes and dreams, goals and my future for when I'm grown
But at least now, I'm sure that I'll do good on my own.
From the crew I chill with, to the boys I kick with
From the way I think, to the way I spit.
I've changed, and it's laughable how
I always said I'll never be that, look at me now.
From a nice guy, to a flirt, to a falling for the wrong types
To a heart breaking motherfucker, to a I can get any girl hype
From a I'm not good enough to I'm too cute for that chick
From a I hope she'll chill with me, to a there's too many of them on my dick
From a ride or die kinda guy to a don't bring your fucking drama here
But I'll still ride or die for family, that's still the same from two years.
From a nerdy child, eager to learn and looking forward to his career
It was worthwhile, to learn to burn and handle a few beers.
I still know where I'm heading, I havent lost sight
But now, I can say that I'll actually put up a fight.
I'm a different man, not a kid anymore, all grown up.
An indifferent man, who don't kid anymore, life's been tough.
I'm not as caring as I use to be, I actually don't give a fuck.
And I'm not acting tough, sometimes, I just don't give a fuck.
I'm more passionate, believer in fate, and I do fuck around.
But I'm more caring, especially those who's still holding me down.
You know who you are, it's been a long motherfucking journey.
From the minute we met, who knew we'd end up chilling like family.
Egotistic Productions, all day, don't sleep on us now.
That's family right there, two years in the making, we're world bound.
Perfecting our skills like the blades ninjas assassinate with
We growing big, growing up, you better know who you're fucking with.

SINematic

07-09
Egotistic Productions
Two years in the making.
We're working on it.