SixWords.

Altruistic.
Neutral.
Guiltless.
Expressive.
Lonely.
Optimist.
What do these individual words mean?
They describe me.
A-N-G-E-L-O
Me.
Who is me?
Who am I?
I am nothing.
At the same time, I am everything.
No, I do not mean everything like the gods you serve.
No.
I mean everything as in I can be anything.
I am altruistic.
Altruistic.
Comes from the word altruism.
An unselfish regard for or devotion to the welfare of others.
Since I was born, I have never been too selfish.
All I want is appreciation and love.
Is that too much to ask?
I accept those who come to me for help.
Be it advice on how to get away with cheating, how to get away with stealing or how to access certain illegal drugs, I have been there to help.
From simple school homework, to boyfriend problems to family drama, I have been there.
And I cannot say that I am completely selfless because I am human.
I crave attention like everyone else.
I need love like everyone else.
Though everyone else is better at handling not having that attention and appreciation.
But I rarely get any.
I never hear the encouraging words of I'm proud of you from my parents.
I rarely see the appreciation from my peers.
I hardly see the love and affection from the girl I adore.
But I still stand.
To put others before me.
My greatest weakness.
Putting others before me eases the pain of knowing that there are none who is willing to give back the same amount of devotion I give out.
Altruistic.
Neutral.
A position of disengagement.
This is the bliss I try to attain.
Because I am not ignorant.
I chose to not pick sides.
Comes from this need to please those around me.
Equipped with charisma and good manners, I try to get along with everyone.
Getting close but not letting anyone know the real chaos that is my mind.
Staying distant so that I cannot be hurt.
But every relationship is like a hill.
And we know what happens to vehicles parked in neutral on a slope.
Gravity pulls them to their downfall.
Neutral.
Guiltless.
Innocent.
One wihtout guilt.
How I wish this was true.
But it applies to me because I do not carry guilt.
I have learned that guilt is a concept invented to degrade our existance and to severly punish those who has wronged us.
If mankind is so focused in moving forward, why do people carry guilt, a thing of the past, everywhere?
Everyone does it, except for those who cannot feel guilt.
I believe society calls those individuals sociopaths.
I guess I am one too.
I do not feel guilt because I know what I have done.
I am aware if it is right or wrong.
But there is no merit in letting it hinder me from the future I want to achieve.
Guiltless.
Expressive.
Means to make known what one thinks or feels.
I am very expressive.
I will say what's on my mind with little or no regard with how anyone will react.
But only when I am pushed to the edge of my tolerance.
I am usually indifferent and tolerant to the world.
Because in my experience, no one gives a fuck about what a free mind thinks.
Because indifference is the only way I can tolerate selfish bastards who cannot spend more than a second thinking of someone else.
And I am sick and tired of selfish people walking all over me.
But my altruistic nature won't let me learn my lesson.
So I'm stuck in this infinite, never ending cycle of being everyone's movator, like the ones in airports.
I help them move forward faster without a single glance of appreciation.
Expressive.
Lonely.
Being without company.
Cut off from others.
I can never get rid of this feeling of loneliness.
It's a virus from the neutralness that I try to feel, the altruistic nature my grandparents inspired me to be, my uncontrollable expressiveness and my guiltless conscience.
I keep my distance though I try to help everyone.
My expressiveness pushes others away.
And my guiltless conscience hurts those around me.
I am a collection of opposites.
A bipolar disorder that comes in contact with each other.
I am torn between the need to help others and the desire to feed my own needs.
I am a human that I can't even understand.
I am a monster.
And I fear that society will run me out of town.
Furthering my isolation.
Lonely.
Optimist.
To anticipate the best possible outcome.
I am this.
And no one can disprove this.
I've been through a lot.
Even worse because of how I am.
And yet, it has not stopped me from being who I am.
The hurtful experiences I've lived through has not prevented me from lending a helping hand.
It has not made me more selfish.
Although it has placed a little bit of bitterness in me.
I am still me.
And though my glass heart has been shattered time and time again, I still carry it.
Willing to share it with anyone who might be interested.
Except now, I have more pieces to give out.
I am still broken, but I'm okay with that.
After all, anything that is broken was once complete.
Optimist.
These words describe my existance perfectly.
But I still do not know who I really am.
I guess that's the beauty of being human.