Waking Up.

My alarm clock woke me one gloomy day. I glanced up at what woke me. 1:11AM. Why on earth would my alarm clock be set to ring at such a ridiculous hour? I got up and pain jolted up and down my body in an instant. I was immidiately reminded of my recent near-death experience. The doctor did mention that I shouldn't move around too much, my newly stitched injuries will prove to be quite the obstacle. I can still remember the accident like it was hours ago although it is quite fuzzy. The doctor said the accident may have affected my memory. Recalling it made my mind numb, it made my mind ache, like I was not allowed to remember.

It was a red light, and I was looking for my CD in the glove department. A car rear ends me from behind and hits me hard enough to move me to the middle of the road. Then the next couple of seconds seemed to move in a slow motion. As my car drifted on to the flow of traffic, a car collided with me. The other car was unable to react quickly enough; I doubt any human reaction could've reacted quickly enough, especially because the speed limit around here is eighty. I remember seeing blood all over. I could feel glass shards on my left side. I kept on glancing on my right side as if someone was there. The car hit me hard enough that I was facing the flow of traffic. I was worried, but not for myself. I could feel my door squeezing onto my flesh. I couldn't get out of my seat, let alone move. Next thing I know, I'm being pulled out of the car with the help of the Jaws of Life. I kept on screaming about something. I can't recall. I must've passed out because I woke up in a hospital.

My phone started to ring, the caller ID was familiar but I couldn't figure out who she was.

"Hello?"
"Are you awake?"
"It's kind of hard to ignore the alarm clock."
"As long as I didn't wake you."
"Do we always talk at this hour?"
"Michael, what're you talking about?"
"I'm sorry, I can't remember. The doctor said my memory could be damaged, I apologize."
"Don't be. I'm April, do you remember?"
"I recognize your voice. It's calming."
"I'm glad you still think so."
"Why did my alarm clock ring?"
"Because you never hear your cell phone. You're the one who came up with the idea to set it at this hour, so that you'll never miss my call."
"Isn't that awfully sweet of me?"
"I'm glad you didn't lose your self-esteem. How are you feeling?"
"Besides from not remembering, I'm okay. Where am I? Am I at home?"
"Yeah, you're living on your own, if you don't recall. But the doctor said not to get up, I'll visit you later on today. Get some rest, okay?"
"Yeah, I think that's a good idea."
"Goodnight, love. I love you."
I didn't know how to reply. It was silence then the dial tone. I felt somewhat sympathetic that I couldn't even remember her to say those words to her. I'm assuming she's my girlfriend, maybe. I still can't recall.

A couple of days passed on, I still can't recall a single event of my life prior to the accident. My memory kept on focusing on what happened right before to that. I was in a restaurant, eating. I remember feeling angry about something. I felt like I was arguing with someone, maybe it's with April. She's been hanging around me a lot lately. But every day she's here, I feel like I'm hurting her more and more. My memory isn't getting any better and she's not getting any closer to me. If anything, if she was my girlfriend, I feel like I'm drifting farther and farther away from her. The more time she spends here, the more time I seem to not realize that I love her, if I ever did. It made me feel sympathetic towards her and I just wanted her to move on. I could not bear to be the cause of her sadness. She was adorable but I felt nothing but mutual feelings towards her. She didn't exist in my memory except the memories we are making now. Maybe if I keep this to myself, I'll eventually learn to love her and then, none of this will matter. She would talk on and on about what we use to do. But all it did was remind me that I am not able to remember anything farther than a couple of days back. What can I do? I can't even remember my age. She insists that I'm seventeen but I didn't feel like it. I'm in complete disarray of what to make of the events that are happening. Time seems to pass by too quickly except for the hours that I spent with her.

Days merged into weeks and I am still dumbfounded of everything. The world seemed to matter less and less to me. My injuries have kept me locked in my room. April's been more than helpful. She's been keeping me company this past week. If she was not around, I was in too weak of a condition to go down the stairs. It makes me wonder how I got up here in the first place. My memory was not getting any better. I felt like an old man, who could not even remember if he bathe himself or not. She's been taking care of me, sort of like my guardian angel. I would always wake up at 1:11AM and talk to her for five minutes. Then I would sleep some more. If she was not going to stay for long, she would help me down the stairs and give me my notebook. I've read some of my previous entries, it seemed like I was quite the writer prior to the accident. But what I wrote now seemed childish compared to what I wrote before. It frustrated me. I would spend the whole day just reading on what I wrote, hoping that reading my previous entries will trigger something in my mind and it'll dispell this amnesia. There was no doubt in my mind that April had been my girlfriend for a while. My notebook had her name all over it, even some entries from her. It brought a smile to my face because with her around, I felt like my life had purpose.

It's been almost a month since the accident. I lay in my bed awake. I checked my clock which was armed to set off at 1:11AM as it did everyday. It was two minutes to midnight, yet I seemed to not want to fall asleep. I've been lying on my bed for almost two hours and I was still wide awake. I looked at my clock again, one minute to midnight. I decided to stare at it until it would turn to midnight. Time always seemed to slow down when you're waiting for something. Soon the 11:59PM transformed into 12:00AM. I picked up my phone and called the only number that was on it.

"Hello?"
"You called." She seemed to be ecstatic.
"Yeah."
"Do you know why?" She questioned my motive. I searched my mind for an answer but I came up with nothing.
"Not really."
"Happy two years love."

"Two... years?" My mind started to ache. The room started to spin, I dropped the phone. I could hear her through the phone, asking if I was okay. I started screaming in pain and I could notice her voice worrying. I was in pain, but why? It was unbearable, I felt like someone was ripping me with their bare hands. I clutched my heart and my other hand was pulling at my hair. My eyes began to tear. I could still hear her voice over the phone. Who was she? I seemed to be forgetting everything that had happened. This whole month started flashing before my eyes. As they flashed through my mind, they seemed to disappear, as if they were nothing but memories. Her voice was getting softer and softer. I let go of my hair and grabbed my phone. I stopped my sobbering and listened for a noise to erupt from it.

"This number is not registered. Please check the number that you are dialling."

What was going on? I checked my phonebook. It was empty.

"Michael, please, wake up." I'm going crazy, I'm starting to hear voices.

"Come on man, wake up." I hear someone crying, they seemed sad. Why are these voices telling me to wake up? I am awake, aren't I? The pain became harder and harder to bear. My body caved in. I fell on my face. I looked around and closed my eyes, for the last time.

“Michael, wake up, please.”

I opened my eyes, I was in different room. There were two people in the room. I recognized them, they’re my friends. Where am I? What’s going on?

“Paul! He’s awake!” I recognized his voice.

“Gabriel... what’s going on?” Now there were three people present in the room, and I knew all three of them. Gabriel, Paul, and May. Everything came rushing back. “Where’s April?” As soon as those words came out of my mouth, the room fell silent. My memories rushed back.

We were coming home from celebrating something. I stopped at a red light. I was holding April’s hand. A car suddenly rear ends me, April wasn’t wearing her seatbelt. Her head hits the dashboard. My car drifted on to the flow of traffic, another car collided with me. The glass shattered, hitting my body. The door frame breaks and crushes my left side. I ignored my own pain. With my free hand, I tried to make sure April was okay. I kept on screaming her name, hoping she would hear me. There was no answer. I feared for the worst. I tried to squirm my way out of this metal death trap but it did no good. I was stuck, I started to tear. The pain in my heart seemed to hurt more than the physical damage I’m withstanding. Emergency services soon came to the scene and I felt like I shouldn’t even fight for my life anymore. Then, April whispered something, I couldn’t catch it. I screamed at the paramedics to help her, not me. But they thought I was just hysterical. I passed out soon after that. My eyes were closed but I could still hear the doctors and my friends talking.

“He’s gone into a state of coma. We tried everything we could do. He was in great excruciating pain and seeing his loved one die before his eyes must’ve triggered his brain into a coma. There’s nothing we could’ve done.”
“Wait,” I could hear May crying, “April’s dead? How?”
The doctor spoke again, “Her head collided with the dashboard forcibly. She suffered from head trauma. She died before she reached the hospital. I’m terribly sorry.”

“May,” Everyone looked at me and out of their own memories, “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. She loved you Michael. She wouldn’t want you to be sorry. Be happy that you’re out of your coma and that you’re still alive.” As true as those words may have been, I still felt guilty for what happened.
“How long was I in a coma?”
“A whole month,”

Paul and Gabriel left the room, giving me and May some privacy. April was May’s older sister.

“What were me and April doing on the day it happened?”

“You guys went out to celebrate one year and eleven months.” Then my dream in my coma suddenly came back. 1:11AM. One year, eleven months. My dream suddenly seemed to make sense. My subconscious mind was taking in all the information that happened in that one night. It was all too much for me to bear. I felt the side of my body; the scars seemed to be present. I began to tear up, my heart started to ache like in my dream.

“Today is my two years.”