It's Been A While.

Yes, I'm back. To what may I add? I'm almost sure I have no readers upon this site. I doubt anyone has even come across my illicitdesire page, let alone know who I am. Shoot, even I don't know the answer to that. I thought I knew, but now, I'm not sure. I've been in such a disarray lately that it's killing me. It's hurting my mentality. I've been in such a hole lately that someone might as well bury me down here. I know, it's quite emo of me to say such absurd words. But what I feel is not absurd. What I feel is deception, confusion, anger. Again, all at the same time.

I've lost someone quite important to me. I'll catch you up to date. I think it has been two months now. We broke up, my girlfriend and I. She broke up with me. She has another in her heart. Told me how she does not feel the same way about me. And she hasn't loved me for a month prior to that. I'll be honest, I didn't even know. No signs whatsoever. In my perspective, that new guy stole her from me. Or something like that. I don't want to know. I'm sure it'd hurt more if I did know. Whatever. I just want her happy. Nothing more to that. I love her enough to say that I'd rather her be happy than be miserable. But then where do I fit in? If she gets her happiness, where's mine? Am I forever doomed to be miserable?

I know I'm sounding quite cynical. I think I deserve to be, after putting everyone around me before me. I've gotten sick of it. What can I do to make my happiness come? Let everything fall apart? Let everything in the hands of God? I think I've done that, showed it every day.

Anyways, I think I'll cut this short. I've lost my anger due to my friends talking me out of it. Distracting my mind, thank God for ADD i suppose. I'll write soon. For now, enjoy an old fashion poem.

Six minutes to midnight, I've lost it all
I'm still trying to get up from my last fall
I can't imagine why I'm feeling like this
Maybe it's cuz I've lost what is now his

Five minutes to midnight, I'm lost in my mind
And here I am, squiggling a bunch of lines
I fear for what has yet to come
I want out of this phase so dumb

So stupid, I don't quite understand
Four minutes, I've lost where I stand
I'm falling in a bottomless pit
I stood for eternity, I almost forgot how to sit

But that's besides the point, I'm lost now
C'est la vie, that's how life is now
Three minutes left to midnight
It's funny how I'd fight

Till my last breath for another chance
But she made me feel small like ants
Like a bug, she pushed me away so easily
Two minutes left, I hate that I've been so moody

Like a girl, being her time of the month
Leaving you for dead like you wer a prey in her hunt
What can you do except get up, take a flight
I lie here, waiting for the time of midnight

(I'll admit, not my best work. But I got my feelings out. I'm satisfied.)

Btw, listen to Jason Mraz - Details in the Fabric. Great song.