I Don't Understand

NOTE: I wrote this about a month ago. I never got around to posting it here. Well, without further ado, enjoy!

I Don't Understand.

I don't understand.
I don't understand how people are always telling me that I'm nice, I'm a good guy, I've got an interesting personality, I've got a brilliant mind and I've got a great smile.
And sometimes, they say I'm hella cute.
And yet, with all those apparent qualities that people see in me,
Why do I end up with friends who become more than friends but in the end, they're nothing but a bunch of...
You might say I'm just bitter.
But because of them my entire life has scars and stitches and each one of them tell a story.
This one, on my right shoulder, was from the time I spent countless hours listening to her because I was a coward.
I took pride that she could cower and take cover on my shoulder and I didn't want to lose that bond with her.
She would always tell me, oh Angelo, why can't I find a guy like you, but you did find a guy like me
I wanted to tell her how I felt, but she just kept on telling me that she wished she could find a guy like me.
She eventually did find a guy like me...
This one, on my left cheek, is from this girl that seemed meek, but she would always flirt with me.
It meant the world to me, but it was worth more to me than it was to her.
Because the minute I felt like we were going steady, her boyfriend punched me across the face.
And when my face took impact with his fist, all I could think about was what did I do to deserve this.
So as I lied flat on my back, with her holding him back, I got up and swung my fist back.
I never spoke to her again.
This one on my right wrist was from the time I fell for lust.
She, grabbed me by the wrist, and we, found a place to ourselves, and I pulled her closer by the hips, and we... kissed.
But we met minutes ago.
I suggested we took things slow.
Start off with a hi, I'm Angelo.
And just, you know, go with the flow?
She got off me and left the room.
She hissed and said she just wanted a one night honeymoon.
Without the matrimony or love in full bloom.
I hope she caught AIDS.
There was the time where this girl left a scar on my back, right behind my spine.
I thought she was mine, and that the whole universe was finally aligned and that everything was finally fine.
But, she would always lie to me.
And I always believed her.
Because I cared for her.
I stood by her side, comforting her when she needs me, always by her side, I was there when she was sick, by her bedside.
She told me that I was the best boyfriend she ever had, and that she never wanted it to end.
But nine weeks in, I found out that she... she...she had... another boyfriend.
I felt betrayed, backstabbed, bamboozled, I was back to square one.
I hope he broke her heart.
I have a scar, in the middle, of my heart.
It hasn't healed yet.
Because she, made me, happy.
Happier than any form of drugs, alcohol or temporary high could bring.
She was my natural high.
Seeing her smile was the drug that I needed to get by, everyday.
We were both busy for one another, but the way we made time for each other was...amazing.
I would pick her up after her work just so I could spend half an hour on the bus with her.
I would wait for her to get off school just so I could walk her home.
We would take the long way getting home whenever we had the chance to go out.
She would leave me voicemail every morning just to remind me that she cares about me.
For Valentine's Day, I bought her a bouquet and went to her place.
Only to find out that she bought me a bouquet and went to my place.
She was really special to me.
So I gave her a gift that I never gave to anyone before.
I gave her something precious to me.
I gave her...
My heart.
Everything was going great, I knew we had something great, but she, broke up, with me.
I didn't know why, and I held in my tears, pride didn't let me cry.
But I was hurt, she broke my self-worth
I became cold, frigid, arctic weather towards any girl trying to get close to me.
But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't break past what I am.
I'll be forever known as
A nice guy, with a smile that seems to always be there.
I'll always be that guy
with the brilliant mind and a great personality... but maybe... maybe that's my liability.