Broken

I'm broken.
And at the same time, I'm not.
I'm lonely.
All the while, I'm fine.
I'm sane.
But I'm pretty sure I'm derranged.
I'm miserable,
But I know damn well that I'm content.
Is it heaven sent ?
All these damn misfortunes that befall me ?
Honestly, I fail to see
How walking through life in my shoes is best for me.
Unless it's these
Very same obstacles that will make me better.
But I have a feeling I'll die young or grow old bitter.
All I know is that life is a big cycle of lies.
And no matter how hard I try,
I
End up on the short end of the stick.
And I
Either react too quick, or come off as a big dick.
Use to be a nice guy, but innocence is quick to die.
And a heart breaks and aches and that creates
An asshole with a beating heart that's become subzero cold.
An asshole who lost control over the redemption of his soul.
I fold, because these cards I hold are subpar.
Not even worthy for anyone to test me.
Or trust me.
I forgot how to socialize.
If misery loves company, then we have moved past intimacy.
Because she does not even cheat on me, I am the only one she needs.
Sadly, I don't believe in divorces, so I'm stuck with her for eternity.
And she's made me believe that misery is the only company I ever need.
I've learned to dislike being around anyone.
Secretly, I long to be alone with my thoughts.
Where I am judge free, because everyone just leaves me.
For someone else.
I've learned to deal with that misfortune and lived with it.
And because of this,
I've begun to think that the world is like a great black pit
And the vermin of the world inhabit it
And its morals aren't worth what a pig can spit
And I wouldn't give a shit if the world was lit.
Ablaze.
I feel like how I first came to this country in the third grade.
Except now, I have to face my fears and they all weild blades.
And every swing hits me, one hundred percent accuracy.
Instead of blood, I bleed out insercurity and sanity.
And these puncture wounds and battle scars
Will never heal, no matter how far
You are.
I'm miserable because of this.
The reason why I try to live in ignorance and bliss.
I could be mentally insane.
But that's what happens when your work ends in vein.
I'm better off being lonely.
Because everyone is scared of the monster that is me.
I'm broken on the inside.
A reminder of how my innocence died, drowning in your lies.
I'm broken.
But I still try.